blog 12

As this  semester comes to an end, it has prompted me to do a lot of thinking about a lot of different things.  I’ve done so much extra thinking about what I should or shouldn’t be doing as a woman and mother.  I’ve looked at, as a woman, what is expected of me and what is expected of the opposite sex.  I’ve looked at what I want and need in relationships, personally and professtionally.  What I’ve come up with is, as long as I’m happy, who cares.  I’m going to live my life the way I choose.  If my kids are happy and taken care of, if I’m happy and functioning well, if my relationships are fulfilling me then why should I let society dictate to me what is right and wrong, and why should anyone else?  I hear so many women say, “What will they think of me?” 0r “I wanna do what’s right.”  Who cares what someone will think of you?  Live for yourself, make yourself happy.  I’ve heard so many doctors and therapists say that as long as the parent is happy, the kids will be happy, kids follow in and with your happiness.  I agree, there are lines to these statements, as with anything else but if you’re doing what’s right for you and it’s in the best interest of your loved ones then should be no need to worry or fret over the outcomes.  There is always going to be wrong decisions made, that’s part of life, it’s what you do with those choices and outcomes and future ones that determine the person you are.

blog 11

This weeks reading involving welfare was a very touchy subject for me.  I work in a place that takes food stamps as payment which is fine but it aggravates me to see some of the things purchased with state funded money.  They come in and buy energy drinks, sodas, candy, nothing good or healthy.  It really doesn’t need to be healthy but when I work full-time, have 3 kids and go to school full-time and I get turned down for any assistance besides Medicaid, it tends to make me angry.  Yes, I get support, I receive $100 a month for 3 kids, is that enough to help feed, clothe, and keep a roof over their heads, no, it’s not but I have no choice in the matter.  So, I go to work everyday and get to some of these women come in and tell me that until the state cuts them off they don’t plan on working and why should they when they get more money on welfare than they would making minimum wage at a regular job.  There really needs to be some kind of reform in this system.  There has got to be a better way to track how these monies are being spent.  Maybe people should be required to save receipts and turn them in so the receipts can be looked at to see what the money is going toward.  Look at each woman’s situation individually and base the amount of assistance on what they have coming in and going out every month instead of a straight across the board amount.

blog 10

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about women and the roles that they play in society.  It’s funny to me that women have a lot of different hats that they wear.  When a woman works, they are a breadwinner, a bill payer, and whatever hat she wears depending on the job.  When they get home, there is still work to be done.  Maid, cook, tutor, taxi driver, cheerleader and sometimes therapist, the list goes on and on.  I’m not upset or sad about the roles women play and the tasks even I take on as a woman and a mother, I’m sad that people in our lives see it and don’t offer to give us a break.  If women, mothers, don’t get a break their patience begin to run thin.  Even a walk for 20 minutes is better than 2 weeks or longer with no time to yourself.  If you’re married you need to reconnect with the person that you fell in love with and helped make this family, if you’re just dating it’s important to remember the person you were before all the responsibilites.  Some people think that everything should be put on a back burner once you have children, I think if you don’t take care of yourself first then you won’t be healthy enough to take care of the people that rely on you the most, your children, your family.  Everyone needs help and it takes a stronger person to ask for it rather than a person who never asks for it.

blog 9

Well, my ex-husband moved away last week and didn’t tell our kids so I’m here left to clean up his mess AGAIN!!!  He divorces me, gets re-married, has more children, fights me for 6 years in court for custody, I finally give up , let the kids decide.  My two older ones go with their father, like he wanted, and my youngest stayed with me.  Then because things wouldn’t go his way, he says “take them or I’ll find someone who will.”  When did kids become disposable?  I stayed constant in my kids’ lives, kept up with visitation, went to sporting events, was active in any appointments AND paid support to their father.  I’m trying to make sense of it all, although I know I probably never will, but more for my kids than myself.  I didn’t have the best relationship with my father so it was vital to me for my kids’ father to be a major part of their lives and now he’s gone.  I know it will ultimately be his cross to bear but in the mean time my children suffer, ask questions and have sad eyes.  All I can do is love them and remain upbeat and active in their lives.  I’m not sure how to answer a lot of their questions but I don’t expect to and I don’t think they expect me to either, sometimes I think they just want me to listen to them, to love them and to hold them so they know they have a constant person in their lives and in their corner.

blog 8

Well, it has sure been an emotional week, to say the least.  I taking this time to use this blog to vent just a little bit.  This week in our readings we read about shared responsibilities with housework in a marriage.  I’m not marriage but was, as I’ve written before, but when you are divorced the responsibilities should be shared with kids.  I know I’ve wrote about this before but last night my 9 year old son almost lost his finger.  He crashed his bike and when he fell his finger got caught in the chain of his bike.  Where was his dad that he was crying for?  I called him twice, left messages both times and texted him, and my son received nothing.  Today, his dad texted to see how my son was, I told him everything and he said good and he’d try to call him.  I wanted to scream!!!  How does a parent walk away from a responsibility?  When did our 9 year old son stop being a priority to him?  We have 2 other children together and he has no contact.  I feel kids are innocents in a divorce situation, it’s not their fault that a divorce ever happened but when they are treated in this fashion, how else are they supposed to feel?  He wonders why the kids don’t want to see or visit him on his weekends, well, he’s basically sealed his own fate with his lack of concern with the kids.  I feel he has no one to blame but himself and hopefully he can look back one day and feel bad for the way he has chosen to treat our children.

blog 7

The readings for the past few weeks, my daughter turning 16 and then she was referred to a gynecologist due to irregular periods…..wow…I’ve got so much going on in my head it’s crazy.  I guess, I will choose to discuss the readings that I read through.  It focused on marriage and love, well, being divorced it forced me to look at my failed marriage and the lack of love that was a part of it.  I read some of these articles and especially about a woman feminist that married for the emotionally part of the institution.  I wish I could’ve said that.  I married because we had a baby and one on the way.  I cried all the way down the aisle and not out of joy, I knew I was making a mistake but he asked and I didn’t want two babies out of wedlock.  The marriage was a joke, I was completely demanding and he was very absent, I’m sure due to my constant bitching and moaning.  After reading these things I know what I want for the next time.  I know there will be another person for me but it will be up to me to recognize that person and want it for the emotional part of the marriage.  I will look for the person that completes me and my family, someone that accepts our situation for what it is ands still wants to be a part of it.  It will have to be up to me to keep my insecurities and baggage as part of my past life and not make someone suffer for these hardships that they had no part in helping develop.

blog 6

As I read my readings this week for my class it became quite evident to me that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did.  I’ve always been pro-choice, ALWAYS.  I read these stories and articles with not different eyes but, maybe, more open eyes.  My best friend, a couple years back, had an abortion.  She knew how I felt about it but she had no one to really talk to about it.  She needed someone to confide in and express her feelings to.  I was there and listened to her.  I was so upset about allowing it, I confided in my pastor.  He told me that I had done no wrong, that I was a friend and that’s what she needed and as long as she knew how I felt and, at least, tried to sway her the other way that I had nothing to be upset about.  After reading these articles though, I think I began to understand what she must have been going through, the torment she felt and the despair she felt after.  I’m not saying I’m pro-choice now after reading these articles but maybe I can look at it all with different eyes.  Some of these women really feel like they have no other alternative and the grief they feel and go through afterward is real and they too are mourning for a life just like the activists that fight for these unborn babies that are murdered.  My friend has never been the same since and, maybe, now I will be able to talk to her and comfort her on a different level.